What is Narcissistic Abuse?

A narcissist often degrades their partner with subtle or overt criticisms that undermine self-worth. This may look like “joking” insults, dismissing the partner’s opinions, or trivializing their feelings and accomplishments.

Narcissists may withhold affection, attention, or even basic communication as a form of punishment. This can include giving the “silent treatment,” withholding intimacy, or withdrawing completely, creating a sense of abandonment and insecurity in the partner.

In cycles, the narcissist alternates between intense affection and detachment. The return to affection feels rewarding and leaves the partner constantly striving to regain the love they initially experienced. This intermittent reinforcement strengthens the partner’s emotional dependence.

The narcissist may slowly cut the partner off from friends, family, and outside support, increasing dependency. They may create conflicts or drama around the partner’s loved ones, driving wedges that make it harder for the partner to leave.

Narcissists often accuse the partner of behaviors or intentions they themselves are guilty of. This can include accusations of cheating, manipulation, or being “self-centered,” projecting their own actions onto the partner to deflect accountability.

Narcissists may bring third parties into conflicts or discussions to validate their perspective and undermine the partner’s self-assurance. This might include comparing the partner to others or bringing other people into private matters to create jealousy and insecurity.

In some cases, narcissists may control access to money and resources, restricting their partner’s financial independence as a means of maintaining power and preventing them from leaving.

Narcissistic abuse often involves breaking down the partner’s sense of autonomy and self-trust, leading to a strong dependency on the narcissist for validation, security, or decision-making. Over time, the partner may feel incapable of functioning without the narcissist’s approval.

When confronted, narcissists frequently shift the blame to their partner or paint themselves as the victim. They may guilt the partner, making them feel responsible for any problems in the relationship, further entrenching the power dynamic.